There’s a Magical Secret for Satisfying My Boyfriend – I Just Have to Find It

I think about it all the time.

Advice by Jessica Stoya
13.06.2023

Dear How to Do It,

On an episode of the podcast one of you once made an off-hand reference to there being a technique for oral on a soft penis. I think about this all the time!
My partner and I will often start out that way when we first start messing around, and sometimes I’ll wake him up that way. When I told him about this to see if he had any ideas he was basically like, “Nope, great job, no notes,” but the idea that maybe there’s some magical different thing I could try that would feel great that we just haven’t thought of is still always popping into my head. Give me your secrets, please!

—Soft Lovin’

My secret is communication. Every person is different. What is magical for one person is banal for another. And it’s actually quite possible that your knowledge of what your partner likes having done to his cock when his cock is hard, combined with the happenstance of luck, means you did a great job and there were no notes to give.

Kelsy Burke writes, in The Pornography Wars, about postwar ‘50s America and sexuality, “The message was that good sex, like the American dream, required hard work…” I’d like you to take a minute to think about the good ol’ bootstraps ethos we all grew up in, and how you might be applying it to your sex life. Do you feel like you need to be The Best? Better than you were last time? Constantly in competition with a phantom other or your previous self? Striving, stretching, and doing your best to reach your ultimate potential? Pressure and great sex hardly ever go together. Take the pressure off yourself to produce a magical experience, and focus on having a good time and giving your partner a good time.

—Stoya